SBS 301 Cultural Diversity/Prof.
Koptiuch
Fall 2015 Personal
Memory Ethnographies
Melissa Fitz
Girls Can't Play With Boys
When
I moved to a new school in Minneapolis, at recess
I would look for the boys to
play with. They were more fun; playing games,
running around and always
competing.I
have always been a sporty
kid, whenever there was a ball or something to do
with my hands I gravitated to
those things. I enjoyed practicing my
coordination, simply throwing a ball up
in the air and catching it. In my past
experiences, the boys were the kids who
wanted to race and see who could throw the ball
the furthest. So naturally I
wanted to play with the boys at recess.
While
I called myself an active kid growing up, I was
not the most outgoing. I chose
who I would approach carefully after observing
their interactions with others,
and their athletic skills. Unfortunately many of
my fellow girls did not want
to participate in playing football or other
physical games the boys would play.
By 5th grade I was beginning to become
more confident with my athletic
abilities compared to others my age. With my
growing confidence, I mustered up
enough courage to go ask my new fellow classmates
if I could join in playing
football with them.
Everyone
at school knows I am the best football player.
I’m not boasting about myself, I
am just the fastest and I can throw the ball the
furthest. The other kids want
to be on my team, but I only pick the winners.
My guys will beat any team we
play against!
One
day at recess a girl I (Sam) didn’t recognize
wanted to join our game. No
question, no hesitation, it is always a “No!”
Girls aren’t as fast as boys and
girls just don’t play football. This girl took
my response with a chip on her
shoulder to insure that she would prove me
wrong.
The reaction I received was all too
close to my deepest fear of rejection:“oh no, you can’t play. You are a girl and
girls are not as good as
boys”.There
was little debate within
the football posse if this new girl could play
with them, although I do recall
one kid spoke up to give me a try. There was
almost no acknowledgement of his
comment to let a girl play with them, and the
football game resumed business as
usual. The boys turned around continuing the game
so very symbolic of their
attitudes towards me. As I retreated to the
playground, I accepted their
rejection. I cannot say I recall any condolences
from other kids or adults, but
I think I was looking for any either.
Over a
short period of time, I (Sam) began to notice
Melissa was fearless of dirt, injury
or competition. She would take the turns for
other girls who didn’t want to
play or she would go up against the biggest boy
available just to see if, or
make sure she could, take him. Finally, after
Melissa hit a homerun in kickball
I decided to let her play football with us at
recces. Melissa was an
athlete, it took a while for me to realize that
but she was almost as good as I
was.
It wasn’t until I was
able to show off my abilities and prove my
athleticism regardless of the fact I
was a girl, that the football boys noticed me. Gym
class helped too, almost
forcing them to pick a girl during dodgeball –
everyone had to play. The boys
made it clear at the time I was merely the best
option for a girl. It took a
few weeks, seeing me play or practicing in other
recess games. Finally the boys
asked me to join a team and I felt accepted by
them.
Once I was able to hit a
few homeruns, beat them in a foot race or rough
house with the boys, I was able
to dismiss their doubts of my ‘worthiness’ to play
with them. Things began to
change, soon I was first picked and sometimes even
a captain on the field.
Sadly, the next girl that wanted to play wasn’t
given much more compassion than
I received. The boys still shut her down right
away – “No girls!” I was confused
as to why I was able to play yet the other girls
could not, but it somehow felt
like I had become one of the guys. Even I took on
this mindset that girls
couldn’t play with us; only rarely would I pick
other girls when I had the
opportunity to pick teams as the captain. I didn’t
want to be scrutinized for
merely giving a girl a chance to prove herself
with the boys, I had to protect
my status.
Gender
equality is not a new subject for the United
States. Women have been fighting
for their rights, in many different ways for
centuries. As I look over the
timeline of progress women’s rights have come, I
am deeply proud to be a part
of such movement. I had to prove myself to play
with the boys at recess just as
many other woman in history had to prove to the
world they are equals to men.
While
women’s sports were booming, I was at an
influential age with an athletic
family background encouraging my participation. My
family urged me to be
active, and more importantly conveyed gender
equality in the athletic world. My
mother has a degree in women’s studies, which most
definitely had an effect on
my mentality. Complimented with athleticism, I was
given to positive
reinforcement that launched me into the world of
women’s sports.
To
meet kids sending me a different message than I
was receiving at home, was not
a deterrent for me but more of a challenge. It
felt empowering to prove those
questioning my ability wrong. As I reflect on the
timeline on women’s suffrage,
it seems to me many other women were feeling the
same way about their ability
in not only the athletic realm. Like any group of
people being told they aren’t
as good as another, there develops more drive and
determination to display
otherwise.