SBS 301 Cultural Diversity/Prof.
Koptiuch
Fall 2015 Personal
Memory Ethnographies
Haley Fouts
Things We Did Not Realize
When I
was sixteen years old I was in a relationship with a
Hispanic male, who’s
family had a strong sense of Mexican culture.He was my neighbor growing up, and our
families had known each other for
around ten years at the time. Through the course of
our relationship there were
many things we had to learn together, this being
both of our first
relationships. Learning how to combine our families
so they could be more
familiar with each other was not always easy, for my
family or his.
Things
I Did Not Realize:
Just
after our two year anniversary in November his
family was going to take their
annual trip down to Nogales, Mexico to visit their
extended family (aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents all lived in the
same city in Mexico).I had asked my parents if it would be okay
for me to take that vacation with them, fully
supervised the whole time (since
I was still young), and the vacation would be free
of charge. My parents
quickly declined my request with no explanation. I
told my boyfriend’s parents
that I was unable to go and I wasn’t sure why, but
that I didn’t want to ask my
parents again since they seemed angry about it. So
his parents decided to reach
out to my family to ask again on my behalf. My
parents told them no and
wouldn’t give them a reason.
Initially
I was so angry, hurt, and frustrated. I immediately
thought this was my parents
being just so closed minded about me vacationing
with my boyfriend, and taking
our relationship to the next level. But later in
life I realized some things.
The
United States Border of Arizona and the Mexico
border in Nogales was full of
tension is the early 2000’s. Up until 2006, there
was no physical border
separating Arizona and Mexico. In 2006, under orders
from President George Bush
Jr., the United States started planning a wall
between the United States and
Mexico, specifically in Arizona, to help prevent
immigrants from illegally
entering the United States. By late 2006 and early
2007, 600 miles of the wall
had been built. The project was later terminated due
to funding, as the wall
cost over two million dollars per mile to construct.
Since talk of building the
wall, and its construction, there have been
increased crime rates near the
border. Many believe this is due to the tension of
the border, and the citizens
no longer being able to freely roam. Much of this
violence has been directly
related to violent crimes committed by gang members.
From just December 2009 to
May 2010 there were 149 murders near the border.
Given this information it was
understandable why my parents at the time thought
the area was dangerous. The
crime in Nogales was rapidly rising and violent gang
related crimes were
constantly in the news for the border town.
Things
They Didn’t Realize:
Every year my family and I take a
trip south to Nogales, around Thanksgiving or
Christmas time, to see my
parents, brothers and sister, and their cousins. I
had asked my son if he
wanted to bring his girlfriend along because I
thought it was time she met our
family, and this was the only opportunity she
would get to do so until next
year around the same time. I grew up in Nogales,
so I know the city very
well.So
I approached her parents and
they told me she wouldn’t be able to vacation with
us. I explained to them how
she would be fully supervised by me and my
husband, and the kids would never be
out of our sight, and how this was a really
important and exciting opportunity
for their daughter to get to know more about my
family and our culture. I was
still denied.
I
always thought that choice of theirs had something
to do with the location. Not
because of the location, but because of safety.
Nogales is a large city in
Mexico, and it is close to the U.S. / Mexican
border. The city is often in the
news because it is so close to the United States,
and because certain parts of
the city (just like any major city) have higher
crimes rates than others. The
murder rate in Nogales is equal to or less than
(depending on the year and
months) the crime rate in Phoenix, which is where
we all were living when that
incident occurred.The crimes that
always made the news were drug smuggling related,
or gang related, but most
major cities have these issues.
I
didn’t realize that perhaps her parents were just
so wrongly educated on the
city that I grew up in. Yes, my hometown was on
the news for many crimes. But I
don’t think they took into account that all cities
have crimes, all cities are
so diverse. From 2011 to 2013 there were no
murders in Nogales, and minimal
violent crimes, which is why the border city has
been greatly left out of the
media. Cities often go through hard times, and my
city was just in the media
more because of the border, Nogales was as safe
and as dangerous as Phoenix.
The
Things We Didn’t Realize:
Many
years looking back, I have realized many things, to
make this incident stick
with me. Growing up after that, I picked up more on
my parents’ hostile views
towards Mexico. From not being able to vacation
there even with my own parents
(and still I never have been to Mexico), to their
constant down talk about the
Mexican culture. Now being older I have always
wanted to reach out and
apologize to my ex-boyfriend's mother, and sincerely
thank her for the
invitation to bring me along and to learn about her
hometown and culture. I
still wonder if she had known the true reason I was
not allowed to vacation
with her family. Now knowing, I do understand
where
my parents were coming from, but I do not agree with
their choice. I wish
my parents would not have said no, not even knowing
what that city was like,
due to them never being there before. I think
cultural awareness is so important
now.