SBS 301 Cultural Diversity/Prof.
Koptiuch
Fall 2014 Personal Memory
Ethnographies
Kristen Williams
Friendship
Comes in All Forms
As I walked into the main office of
my new apartment complex to gain clarification on
the extra fees I was recently
charged, I noticed a young Black man standing behind
the counter. His skin was
the complexion of rich dark chocolate and his hair
was thick like wool. He
appeared to be professionally dressed, in a collared
shirt and slack pants
waiting to greet me.
As he and I made eye contact I
admired this young Black man; he was easy on the
eyes.Once
I approached the counter he quickly
greeted me in a very thick accent “Welcome
in, how can I help you?” I was
surprised
by his accent so I quickly searched his name tag to
see if I could pin point his
nationality from his name. His name tag read,‘James’. James? I thought to myself. With
this thick accent there was no
way he could have an American name however his outer
appearance was similar to African
American men I see on a daily bases.I
am a young social-able African American woman who
makes it a point to know the
African American students on campus. James looked
just like my brother, or like
several male friends of mine: African American, so
this is why his accent took
me by surprise.
I went on with the conversation
expressing my questions and concerns about the fees.
As I did
this, I searched the corners of my
mind to formulate a nationality for him, to place
him with others I’ve seen
like him. I was unsuccessful…so I quit my searching
and came back to the
conversation. He gladly started to answer my
question, but I was having trouble
understanding what he was saying. I kept
asking him to repeat certain words, which in turn
became very irritating for me
because I had to work harder to listen and
understand. By this point I was
frustrated and no longer wanted him to keep
explaining anything to me, so I
asked him to get someone else I could speak with
about the matter. With a very
discouraged look on his face, he sighed and agreed
to go get his co-worker that
was working in the back office. A White
American male came to assist me while James did not
return to the front counter.
After I got a clear understanding from James’
coworker, I was more at ease with
the situation but I began to feel a sense of guilt
for getting so frustrated
with James. I began to get senselessly frustrated
with myself because I
couldn’t place him by his accent or nationality. I
thought somewhat highly of
him prior to uncovering his accent. That revelation
showed me something about
myself, something that was ugly and needed to be
addressed; but that comes
later on this journey.
I had to go into the office about a
week later to sign paperwork and James happened to
be working. As he saw me coming
in he walked towards the back and a different
co-worker came out and
acknowledged me. The difference this time was that
James stayed at the front
desk but did not speak to me. Another resident
walked in a few seconds after me
and James went to greet her and was able to help her
with what she needed
assistance with. He was lively and friendly and went
about what he was doing
after she walked away. In that moment it dawned on
me that our initial interaction
wasn’t only frustrating for me but it was
disappointing and frustrating for James
as well.
The next day I kept thinking about
the previous day’s encounter with James as he
avoided me purposefully. I began
to deal with the ugly revelation I had about myself.
Here we are, James and I,
in a professional setting, he being the professional
and I the resident. His
appearance was professional, his tone of voice and
word usage was professional,
but still I looked down on him for his foreign
accent. I was having a personal
issue and I transferred my uncertainty onto another
person who did not deserve
that at all. I was mortified at my behavior and I
knew I had to apologize for
my blatant discrimination towards James, which
stemmed from unfamiliarity and
surprise. I knew I didn’t want to be portrayed as
this kind of person, so I
went back into the office to apologize to James.
As James listened to my apology, he
actively worked to understand me. He then asked if
it was okay for him to share
some of his perspective with me. I was relieved that
he wanted to actively
engage in conversation so I was happy to have him
share:
I’ve been working for this
apartment complex/office for about four months.A few weeks ago a very pretty female
resident came in with questions about
the fees we recently added her because she who
moved in after a certain date.
She asked me to explain the breakdown for the fees
before she made the payment.
I explained exactly everything she asked about.
She kept asking me to repeat my
words as if I wasn’t speaking English or
something. This became somewhat
frustrating for me but I tried to speak slower so
she could hear me clearly.
I’ve spoken English since I was born; I speak it
everyday of my life. I am very
intelligent and I picked up on her frustration
with my accent. She began to get
visibly upset. She became short in her responses
to me and before I knew it she
asked to speak to someone else in the office. I
was shocked by her upset nature
because it was as if she didn’t believe that I was
telling her the truth or that
I knew what I was talking about. I happen to be
popular with the residents
around the property because I am friendly, speak
to everyone, and I help
tenants with their issues. I have learned a lot
about the property in the short
time I have been here. I just didn’t appreciate
her or anyone else being rude
to me because I am not American. Whenever I go out
people talk to me slowly as
if I can’t understand them or as if I have no
social knowledge. People seem to
become frustrated because I ask question. They get
so fixated on the fact that
I am from Trinidad and automatically assume my
intelligence level is inferior
to theirs. People in the US do this to me often.
The day I spoke with you, Kristen
I realized you were just another American that
underestimated me and in America
I can’t win with people like you so from then on I
made it my business to avoid
you.
As James explained this to me I
instantly thought back to my experience studying
abroad in Florence, Italy. I remembered
how discouraging the language barrier had been, and
how some were impatient
with me because of it. I began to relate with James.
At the end of
conversation he told me “Not to worry about
it, because we’re okay”. He accepted my apology and
from there a wonderful
friendship blossomed.
The way I reacted to James the first
time I had to interact with him did not make me
proud as a human being. For
this reason this incident has always stuck with me.
I was once a foreigner in
another country for a few months and I experienced
people being frustrated with
me as well as getting upset with myself because I
could not make the proper
connections with others. That
experience
was overwhelming and left me feeling discouraged.
America is a melting pot of cultural
differences. There are different nationalities of
people all coming together
with the same mission; However, America favors
certain nationalities over
others. This has been proven by how difficult
entrance into America is which
has fueled the ongoing battle surrounding
immigration laws. James is from
Trinidad and is of African and Spanish decent. In
America he is not the kind of
person Americans welcome with open arms. I
experienced this same attitude while
studying abroad in Italy because Italians have a
negative view of Africans as
well as Americans. Many African’s have migrated to
different parts of Italy and
are seen as the outsiders, as unknown “foreigners”.Some
Italians hold negative views of
Americans because of certain American attitudes and
values, which are somewhat
contradictory to Italians. While I was there I
recognized this fact as an
American and received negative push back for being
African American.
Migrating
to a country where there is a lot of
push back of one’s ethnic background is difficult to
face. James’ outward
appearance could mislead someone to believe that he
is African American, like I
am. So when I made this prejudgment of him before
hearing him speak, I had
already created a scenario of his and my
interactions. I was caught off guard
and surprised by our differences and part of that
lead to my frustration with
the situation.
Just as I assumed James was just a Black
American, others do the same. We as people have been
conditioned to connect Black
Americans to unprivileged persons. Black males have
it much worse than Black
females. Incidents that have occurred throughout
history and recent years prove
just this fact. In 1992, with Rodney King, a Black
male who was brutally beaten
by police officers not of his same race sparked the
Los Angeles Riots. This
single incident sparked modern-day
awareness of police brutally on African American
males with racial hatred
undertones. Two recent events bring attention to the
out of control brutality. In
2012 Trayvon Martin an unarmed 17-year-old Black
male was gunned down in
Florida by a White male neighborhood watch
coordinator who was found not guilty
of this race hate crime. Just this year another
killing of an unarmed Black
male named Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO occurred by
another White male police
officer that was also not charged for this killing.
James came to this country for a
better future not fully aware that coming here he
would face much adversity due
to history’s timeline of events. That aspect alone
doesn’t rest well with my
soul and that is why this incident is so important
for me to remember. Everyone
has a story and it is not okay to look down on
another human being or make
assumptions. You
never know the person
you consider largely different could very well be
the person who becomes one of
your best friends.