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"Save Werther!"
The below personal ads were authored in response to an in-class writing assignment which asked students to compose a ficticious personal ad on behalf of Werther (to make him forget Lotte), based on their interpretation of the character, and his search for meaning and the infinite. Note that writers had only 10 minutes to complete this task!
Responses to any of the below ads should be directed to lonelyinwetzlar@thegiaour.com
Enjoy!
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Young male, wandering artist, seeking forbidden love to torture myself with. Loves long walks through the countryside, no words just emotions. Looking for someone who will share their happiness and sorrows openly. Women with children are welcome. I am great with kids. Dislikes rational thought. S and M welcome, loves to have pain inflicted upon thyself. |
by Kristina Guerra |
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SWM, 23, Artist, one-of-a-kind. Enjoys seeing sublime emotional rushes from the pure elements of nature, drawing when I am not to overcome to do so, and debating my radical views against the dogmatic value system of the classicists. Just got out of the most recent in a series of complicated relationships; looking for a beautiful and unavailable woman who will understand the importance of sensibility, and who is willing to act as the center of my profound pain and suffering and artistic inspiration. Prefers short-term but intense relationships. Women with access to fatal weapons a plus. Respond to:
lonelyinwetzlar@thegiaour.com |
by Julie Bogen |
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Single, early 20’s male, seeking a woman with beauty and a motherly nature. He loves small children and may spend long hours rolling on the floor and building card houses with them. A woman that could prolong his agony and suffering in life is preferable. But don’t be discouraged, he is a very sensitive and emotional man, who is not afraid to cry. Don’t let this one get away. You only have a short time to save his crushed heart and soul. Those with dueling pistols need not apply. |
by Erin Hesch |
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SWM, 23, handsome, in good shape, free spirited, very educated, intensely passionate about literature, art and nature; loves to hike and go on moonlight walks; great with children, an artist. Looking for someone with an upbeat attitude who likes to read an engage in spirited discussion, an emotional connection is paramount. |
by Kim Heywood |
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SWM, 23, artist/writer, very passionate young man with a heart for nature, love and the sublime. Enjoys evening walks among the stars and has a truly pure heart. He is very honest and can be very committed to relationships. Seeking an easy going, loving, kind, and committed young lady. He is good with children and is truly young at heart. He is looking for a committed long term relationship. |
by Ashley Powers |
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SWM, 23, artist, inspired by nature and the outdoors, looking for someone to have intelligent conversations with about books and life. Hobbies include: walking outdoors, watching people for inspiration in drawings, traveling. I do not enjoy working, having responsibilities or caring deeply about anyone but myself. Seeking someone who is intelligent, kids are ok, independent, non-smoker, non-drinker, can dedicate spending long periods of time with me, enjoys the outdoors. |
by Kristina Hackett |
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SWM, 23, artist, seeks SWF, young, motherly (children are a bonus). Likes long strolls in the woods, art, poetry, self-employed. Enthusiastic honest, educated and well read, amiable, gets along with just about everyone. Desires life mate who understands me with mutual wants and needs. Knowledge of small weaponry not needed. |
by Tara Lehmann |
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SWM, 20, artist, the “new” man, loves children, enjoys all things sublime, has an appreciation for small round objects, reformed playboy. Looking for a young mother-type to complete my soul, probably already married and/or engaged and/or somehow unattainable, with many lovely children for me to spoil. I need a woman who appreciates that I don’t have a steady paying job and can keep up with my artistic prowess. Sex: yes, please.
P.S. She needs to be from some Sublime countryside. |
by Briana Conatser |
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SW middle class male seeks young, maternal woman. Enjoys long walks, conversations about suicide, and playing with children. Seeking a woman with a sublime attitude and a preference for someone else. Must play HARD TO GET and be willing to cause suffering to a young artist. No agreeable beauties with lovely sisters, please. Must also enjoy long, self-indulgent letters and needs the ability to get wine and blood stains from carpet. |
by Tricia Mahler |
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Brooding young male with a love for Homer, Ossian, nature and children. Shiftless artist with a taste for the melodramatic. Loves taking long walks in nature and contemplating the vast eternity of it. Also known for a sense of childlike wonder and spontaneous philanthropy. Seeking a young woman with an understanding of good literature and lofty contemplations. Motherly qualities a bonus, as well as the ability to overlook lack of a steady job and some suicidal tendencies. Hates structure and obligations and is likely to simply ignore them. Is, however, a passionate, if bordering on obsessive, lover, if you can spark his interest. |
by Katrina Bender |
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Werther, 23! I am a lover of nature, children, and a general all around genius! My hobbies include frolicking through meadows and forests, contemplating the genius of Homer, and spending time with poor country peasants. I am looking for someone who shares my love for literature and passion for life, and is willing to indulge my penchant for personal suffering! Looking for a woman with preferably 5 or more children (I’m great with the kids!) and ideally, already in a relationship. Must be willing to put up with spontaneous outbursts of joy and/or sadness ―stoic classicists need not apply. |
by Liz Dern |
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SWM, 23, painter, seeks female companion. I enjoy long walks, spending time in nature, books, music, and random acts of philanthropy. I have an artistic temperament and can be emotional, but am very child-like in nature. I love children too. I’m looking for someone who shares my interests, especially in books and music, and is eager to indulge in discussion about same. Warm, nurturing, tolerant person a must. |
by Shannon Byrnes |
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SWM, 23, artist, virgin for life, with massive head wound and emotional problems, seeks young woman (attractive preferred), to put up with incessant whining. I enjoy talking above people, playing with children and crying. Also, long walks. Seeking a woman who will mother me. Must like tights. |
by Stephanie Coil |
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SWM, 23, tortured artist seeking WF (single or attached). Hobbies include: acting like an overgrown 8 year old, playing a game that involves slapping, and drawing sketches that are nearly flawless. I also enjoy writing lengthy, depressing letters to my friend Wilhelm, but rarely read his boring responses. I do not enjoy jealous fiancés, behaving like a man, or playing hard to get. Seeks woman to stalk, love. Loves children, the more the merrier. |
by Caitlin Bebout |
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SWM, 23, bourgeois, interested in someone very special already, but willing to move aside room and love both self and you. Looking for a woman that will provide maximum pain and suffering, so that I may grow as an eternal person and artist. Mommy issues. Beautiful, smart, and taken may apply. Likes long walks in nature, discussing the sublime, and rediscovering self. Children for extra play time a plus! Act now, limited time offer before self-expiration burnout date. |
by Mia Rodriguez |
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SWM, 23, artist looking for soul mate, love hiking, looking for good conversations about life, art, beauty, and sublime. Applicants should be passionate, caring, and interesting. Spontaneity also a big plus. Willing to compete for affection. Finances are not an issue, working not my thing. Children are desired. |
by Ben Endicott |
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SWM-
Me: I enjoy long walks in a damp forest, and in-depth conversation about Homer and other hubris seeking Greeks. My hobbies include charity work, painting, and firearm maintenance.
You: A hot MILF-the little ones don’t have to be biologically yours-but I adore the pitter patter of little toes.
Hobbies include: storm watching and caring for others. A significant other is no problem as well.
US: An eternity of the sublime. |
by Devin Whitney Jones |
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Sensible, single white male with tortured soul seeks nature-loving married woman to induce further emotional pain. I enjoy nature walks, picking flowers, and painting. Right respondent must be a nurturing mother, preferably with nursing experience, a love for sadism/masochism, and dancing. Ownership of funeral plot a plus! |
by Janet Larkin |
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SWM, 23, sensible and in touch with emotions, bourgeois, unafraid to speak out or shed a tear, lover of poetry and the dramatic flair. Hobbies include writing, reading, spending time with children. I am in-touch with my inner child and am a poet with a profoundly deep and tortured soul. Issues with mother. In need of a woman worthy of my own beauty and capable of supplying me with daily does of pain and suffering. Women with husbands, do not be shy! I do not enjoy a life of pure happiness; pain induces great poetry, and I am the new man, a great poet. |
by Chrissie Newburg |
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SWM, 23, artist/occasional writer, seeking his muse and intellectual equal. Hobbies include painting, subliminal scenes, walks lit by the moonlight, reading the classics, and letter correspondence. Great with children and giving to those less fortunate. Seeking young woman (=19-25) to enjoy these things and deep conversation ―similar taste in literature a plus! Please, singles only ―no fiancés. |
by Denise Olivas |
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SWM, 23, no profession (gentleman). Spends a great deal of his time writing, mostly letters. Looking for sublime love. Hobbies include walking, being in nature, writing, and feeling pain. He is a deep feeler and will make sure that any lover knows of his devotion. Dramatic personality without fine-tuned sense of humor. Loves kids. Loves acting like a kid. Looking for a woman who shares his love for children. Will slap him harder than she slaps others, and will not stop him from taking drastic measures to find sublimity. His ideal relationship allows him pleasure in pain.
*suicidal tendencies |
by Katie Allen |
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Man-childe seeks unobtainable woman, preferably gentle and aloof, complicated situations a plus. MC is prone to doting, fits of emotion, and long walks into the night. Artistic, upwardly mobile, and well-liked, yet keeps an open mind to others (no fatties). Post a tear stained letter to Werther c/o Wilhelm and include favorite Homeric stanza with response. Reply soon or miss this brightly burning star! |
by Lucas Holub |
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SWM, 23, looking for female companion who is single and looking for a fun, caring partner for life. I like to travel, long walks in nature, dancing, writing, and I love children. I am a painter and enjoy keeping in-touch with friends, wherever they may be. Please do not respond if even slightly involved with somebody else, that would kill me. Age does not matter, race does not matter. Did I say I love children? I like to do anything outdoors and anything that makes me feel like a kid again. |
by Peggy Kilpatrick |
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Man seeking woman. Looking for a woman with deep sensibility, a pure and innocent heart, tenderness, and motherly affection. Children an added bonus. Must enjoy great emotional sensitivity, and discuss books with passion and insight. Will be primarily a companion and object of devotion for a guileless, open, impulsive artist who sees life as a multitude of options to enjoy and not to be mastered. Will die for love. |
by Kaylee Peelen |
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SWM, 21, artist and lover, searching for the perfect woman, youthful and intelligent, caring and supportive (of the arts), not engaged to another man. My hobbies include reveling in the rhapsodies of nature, long, self-interested discourse with distant friends. I paint, and the realistic detail and beauty reflected on my canvas from nature and the faces of children will, at times, take my own breath away. I am recently out of an intense but short term relationship, and hope to enter into one with no other restraints aside from the coming together of two like souls, the rapt appreciation of both the beautiful and the sublime and eternal aspects of nature, and setting aside of our rational and pragmatic natures, in favor of giving ourselves over solely to our emotions. |
by Ryan Scattergood |
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SWM, 19, romantic artist, just moved to town. Enjoys long walks through moonlit landscapes especially when raining, painting provincial art and frolicking with children. I do not enjoy dull, dumb or rational women/conversations. Seeking an emotionally charged, pretty yet deep girl who will laugh, cry and yell with me, and will also sit quietly and discuss the complexities of this life and next. |
by Lauren Gray |
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