Showing Vs. Telling

Goal:    to learn the difference between explanatory and descriptive writing
Time:    30 minutes

It may sounds like a cliche, but it is a writer's best secret.  In order to make a powerful story, you must SHOW not TELL.  But what does that mean, and how will it help you?

First, look at this example of the difference between explanatory and descriptive writing.  

Gary was a great friend--the best friend a guy could ever have.  He was really funny, and nice, and he would do anything for you.  He had lots of talents, and he was very popular with the ladies.  Gary was the most meaningful person ever in my life.  He helped me to think positively, and always look forward to the future.

This passage is completely full of explanatory writing (or telling).  Notice that we know absolutely nothing about Gary--not even the color of his hair!  This passage needs some serious work.  Read the revision below.

            Today was much different from our last days of school in years past--I could almost touch both sides of the hallyway with my arms stretched out, and I suddenly saw the litter and trash on the floor.  Why had it taken until senior year for me to notice these details?  As several students gathered at a locker down the hall, I slammed my locker door for the last time ever.  As the door closed, there was Gary right behind it, smiling that white smile I had seen every day for four years.
            "Hey man, you ready to get out of here?  Missy and Katy are in the car waiting!  We should really head."  He smiled and gave my locker a kick.  He stopped when he noticed I wasn't smiling.  "Hey, what's up with the look?"  He asked.
            "I can't beleive this is it--that we won't be back here again."  I said, adjusting my hat and trying to avoid his eyes.
            Slowly, just as he had done so many times before, Gary realized what was going through my head.  "Look man, don't think of this as an ending.  Think about everything that lies ahead.  You have such a bright future, you are going to be the best college student State has ever seen."
            I looked into his green eyes, crinkling at the edges.  Even though we weren't going to college together, I knew he meant it, and that he would do anything to see me succeed.
        "Plus," he smiled, "we can't keep the ladies waiting.  Better to seize the day!"  With that he grabbed my backpack, and we headed off to the car.  I knew things would never be the same, but I also knew that with Gary around, things could only get better.